Full-Time Fatherhood

Well, well, well; so it's finally here. The time is now upon me to take the mantle and raise my child full-time. My son has been here a little over three weeks at this point and I must say that my fiancee' and I have adjusted pretty well. It seems as if he has too, at least on the surface... I know that raising a child 100% of the time isn't "easy" and much respect to my parents and all those who have and continue to do it. My son is a good kid with a good heart and lots of potential. I realize that my role is to nurture that potential and help mold him into a man. We've spoken frequently over the course of the past few weeks about his feelings around living here now. I'm sure as much as he's filled with excitement about his new school, the prospects of 9th grade and curiosity about making new friends, he feels the anxiety that accompanies missing home, missing the norm. My fiancee' and I have tried to reassure him that these feelings are indeed commonplace and he shouldn't feel guilty for speaking to the fact that he misses home and his mom, in fact I try to encourage him to have voice and speak his mind. I know that allowing him this ability leads to catharsis, and repressing these things lead to angst and uneasiness. The best thing we can can do for our kids is to validate their feelings and let them know that they are entitled to feel and express themselves without fear of being shut down or belittled. I know that this is a journey that I'm suited for. As I look forward to my wedding day and the prospect of future children, I know that this is invaluable practice. I watch my fiancee' and my son interact with each other and the ease they have with each other when they talk, even about the most serious of subject matter. I'm in awe of the respect and love they hold for each other and realize that this is a reflection of their love for me. For that I am truly blessed. Any initial nervousness I had dissipated rather quickly when I realized just how lucky I am to be able to have my son so close. In a time where we see our young men toeing the margins of society and falling victim to a host of social ills it feels good to know that now I don't have to listen to or attempt to pick up on verbal ques in his voice as he calls me when he gets home from school to see how his day went. Now I'll have the ability to see him day in and day out and the guesswork(somewhat!) is gone. I just happen to have the extra ability to pick up on the non-verbal ques that were honed over the course of the past five years that I've parented from distance. Gone are the days that I'm relegated to heading to Cleveland to see him, waiting for the school breaks and holidays or for summer vacation to spend an extended period of time with him. Gone are the days when I could essentially come and go as I please with no care of what time dinner had to be ready or solely being responsible for my schedule alone. Gone are the days when my fiancee' and I could walk around our place barely clothed as we watched tv or ate. But you know what? I don't find these things to be difficult of a trade off for the opportunity to raise my son into a man just as my Father did with me. I'm embracing full-time fatherhood and all that comes along with it and wish that more Fathers did the same. We must take interest in our children, especially our boys when they are constantly fed negative imagery of themselves or feel as if their lives do not matter as they meet death at the hands of each other or others as if it should be typical. When low-expectation for their matriculation is all they have to live up to or relay on some gross generalization of societal expectation that they have the false choice of only either being an athlete or entertainer to "make it" or be deemed successful. Full-time fatherhood is to fight against that negative gravitational pull and show your son there are other ways in which he can grow. To show him the importance of being a good husband to your wife and taking care of your family's needs financially, emotionally and spiritually. These things are all investments that we make as fathers to our children. However, out of all these investments, there is one that you either make or don't that you can never get back and your children will remember most; that investment is time. The time we invest in something shows not only others, but ourselves how important that thing is to us. Raising your son is worthwhile investment, one that money nor any material good can do for you. Welcome to full-time Fatherhood.