Admittedly so, I'm not a big Tyler Perry fan, as I feel that he makes tons of money off of his negative viewpoints towards black men and relationships, but there can be no denial that these characters do appear within our community more often than not. And, as always, the victim is played by that of the black woman. If we are indeed being honest with ourselves though-don't we as a culture victimize our women regularly? It's no wonder that a woman can be under the false assumption that she doesn't need a man, when all of the ones she's given opportunity to have only hurt and betrayed her trust, one way or another. While I do get sick of hearing that there are "no good black men left", I do also get sick of hearing that 72% of black children are born out of wedlock(A statistic that I am guilty of contributing to, as I have an 11 year-old son. So I'm not acting as if I'm better than anyone). How many of those men just jumped up and decided that they weren't going to take care of their responsibility? But another question we have to ask is why do some of these women decide to have a child(ren) with someone who they clearly know isn't going to be with them? When did we start telling these little black girls that it was okay to sleep around at such a young age, and that it was okay to have a baby before you're even old enough to buy alcohol? Why are these behaviors acceptable within our community?
There are examples all around of black ignorance and apathy. More than enough to share with the rest of the world. When do we get back to showing examples of black love and pride? The examples that we saw of black families in the 40's,50's and 60's when we were actually getting married at higher rates than any other race of people? Where did we go wrong? Who told us that we didn't need eachother in order to survive? Whoever sold us that lie sits and watches as our community feeds into it and splinters and cracks to a point of almost no repair. I don't believe that we are the one dimensional people portrayed in mass media, or are we?
Black men, let's be honest with ourselves, sisters have every right to be upset and angry over what we have or haven't done to them throughout these past few decades. Making them feel inadequate if their hair wasn't long-enough, skin light-enough or cheekbones high-enough. Tricking them into believing that they are good enough to bear our children, but yet not worthy enough to give a ring to. We have to praise and provide for our women.
And black women, stop going around speaking into existence that there are no good or decent black men left. There are!And just because you've chosen a few bad ones in the past, isn't a reason to give up on us all. He may not have everything you need and want now-but if you see the potential, you can water him with encouragement like a chia pet and watch him grow!LOL! I know-you should'nt feel as if you have to raise a man,but black men need to be poked and prodded a little, and it usually doesn't take much if we truly care about and want to be with you. Truth is, we cannot reach our full potential unless we're with a black woman. But make that man work and earn your love...
It is this nurturing of eachother that is needed for us as a culture to prosper. You see, no matter what you've heard, we really need eachother and you must know that deep down inside. Running around womanizing or having babies by a bunch of different people is a sick way to fill a void in ourselves for the acceptance and unconditional love that we really desire from someone. So the question still begs; when do we rid ourselves of all the negative imagery and stereotypes that we see everyday? When do we get to see a Tyler Perry movie about a loving black family without a bunch of unnecessary melodrama and mess(maybe never!)? When do we begin celebrating the return of our black men home from serving in wars overseas, and not a rappers release from prison?!The answer is when we get back to being living and breathing examples of the prideful and loving people that we innately are. Like Ganhdi said; "Be the change you want to see in the world". Speak and help uplift eachother in positive ways and you might be surprised what comes into fruition. After all...
Who woulda thunk it?
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ReplyDeleteOh boy, here we go again with the whole "white woman" thing! So what if a guy decides to date a white woman? What does it mean? It doesn't mean anything, and I doubt most of us go out looking for a white woman anyway. Besides, I'm tired of black women having attitudes like the world owes them something for doing well for themselves! I don't get it, first you all talk about independence, then it's " I can't find a black man to take care of me". What's it going to be? I'm sick of being asked what type of car I drive, how much money I make, whether or not I'm gay(because you can't just choose to be single as a man!) and all these other questions when I meet a girl at a bar. Black men are fed up with stereotypes and we're fed up with stereotypes that black women have laid upon us. I'll date a white girl in a second, because they don't ask that stuff when you first meet them. White people understand how you build things together. Your trust issues with black men should'nt mean I have to suffer. And what does how my relationship is with my mother have to do with anything? I'd be willing to bet that you're single anonymous woman! I can hear the attitude in your wording alone!
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ReplyDeleteWhile I get the gist of your post Elijah, you should let these men coming on here know that women are indeed upset and rightfully so, because of lames like these guys commenting. Coming up with lame excuses for dating white women and defending themselves for being dogs! Get real! Half of us don't believe YOU'RE doing anything with yourselves! The first poster sounded angry? Well you sound BITTER! Don't get mad at a black woman for telling you how it is-you know your momma has probably done the same! Get it together BLACK MEN and be ACCOUNTABLE for your ACTIONS! Stop talking a BIG game when you're not really holding it down in the BOARDROOM or the BEDROOM like you should be! All the pomp and circumstance is tiring. So save us women the time and be real with yourselves first. You're insecure- going out buying magnums when you can barely fit into lifetsyles! We're tired of being played only because you all keep playing yourselves!
ReplyDeleteThe original post that was removed was done on accident. I'll try to recover it and have it re-posted. With that being said, I think it's important to try to be civil here guys and have a frank discussion on addressing our issues and doing less fingerpointing.
ReplyDeleteElijah,
ReplyDeleteI saw that my original post was accidently deleted somehow earlier and I don't know if it can be recovered-but just so that I can make myself clear, I will re-iterate what I said before anonymous Dummy 1 and Dummy2(G) responded to me.
Dummy 1: You're right my words do sound like there's attitude in them, because there is. I have every right to be angry as a single, professional black woman in her 30's. I work in a professional environment, and the few decent brothers that work here walk around with dumb whites girls on their arms and I'm sick of it! Nothing turns my stomach more than seeing an attractive black man holding hands with a white woman-NOTHING! I have worked so hard to try to the be woman a man wants/needs and that gets me nothing but 2nd place in today's world. This is unfair! Like I said, it wasnice and all for Elijah to post a pic of the first family as an example of black love-but today that is the EXCEPTION and not the RULE in our community. I don't care what you say! I long for the day when I can look up and see a brother in a suit or a shirt and tie smile at me or decide to send me some flowers! Is that so much to ask?! Ya'll won't even get a girl flowers anymore unless it's Valentine's Day! LAME!!!!! And it is true, President Obama met Michelle while he was working at a law firm-attempting to do something positive with himself and I'm sure she helped along the way from there, but he had a foundation of who he was FIRST!!! We're not asking for all black men to aspire to the Presidency-but at least have a job that allows you growth and promotional chances and want to do something positive! Stop complaing about "the man"! What?, you think that we as black women don't understand racism? Well guess what, not only do we understand it, we understand sexism and ageism too! Most men don't really get themselves together to be suitable for a strong relationship till their 30's or 40's-then you all will try to date someone in their 20's and totally overlook women your age!!! We've had no choice to be independant because we can't rely on you to take care of us or our needs. Hell-a lot of you won't even take care of your children!! And, how a man treats his mother is important. If a man doesn't feel a certain way about his mother or treat her a certain way-it can be construed as to how he'll treat you. I always watch to see how men interact with women outside of the ones he's dated. It's very telling. It seems to me that you will come up with any excuse under the sun for why you're willing to date white women. Get it together! Like I said if a man can't or doesn't want to treat me like I'm the only girl who exists, whether or not that's realistic-then I don't have time for him. I willl not settle for a man to treat me any old kind of way and be okay with that. I do believe that there are some men out there like this-they're usually already taken and a lot of times, by a white girl.
Dummy2(G): I wouldn't dare to dignify your ignorance with a response!
I'm a white woman who dates black men or anyone for that matter, and I'm not sure why someone would label us as "dumb". That's a little unfair. But, I have to be honest, I'm not sure why black women are all up in arms about seeing a black man with a white woman. Doesn't that go against everything we've fought for in this country? I think everyone should be happy with whoever they choose to be with and not be judged for it. I wouldn't be mad if I saw a white man with a black woman.
ReplyDeleteGreat forum. Some very interesting comments.
ReplyDelete1.We all can't be peggged into the same hole, even the "good" black men are diverse in their interests, background and life experiences.
2. Although generally I'm not a fan of Tyler Perry(I do like Madea on DVD:), he's only catering to his audience. Remember how he got started, in community theatres. It's easier for him to sell his concept(white or light skinned or successful = Bad) the necessary bad guy in any movie plot vs the underdog(usually not light skinned or financially successful) who overcomes. That works for his audience but in reality that isn't all of black america any more than the white stereotypes we see in movies.
3. As we aspire and evolve to a society in which racism is less prevalent, shouldn't we be able to freely live our lives without being stereotyped?(especially among our own) We're all proud of the First family because of their accomplishments but remember Barack's mother was white, based upon some of the comments posted, his father would have been negatively stereotyped for loving a woman who wasn't black.I think his parents did pretty well.
4. Why do black women only seem to take issue if a black man is with a white women? I hear the arguments that black women have worked hard and find it difficult to find the right black man("right" not "good"). But why not equally as upset if a black man was with a latin, asian, indian, pacific islander or other. Why does it seem to just be a white woman issue? What is really the issue? white women individually? black men individually? and perhaps the fact that they're seen together further compounds the real issue? Just a thought. Are these black women any different than the racist white that calls a white woman with a black man a "N&##ger Lover" ?
5. When a Black woman is with a White man then we're quick to hear that there are no good black men around or they're all like the characters in a Tyler Perry movie.....a justification but a condemnation when a black man is with a white woman.
6. Relationships should be about individuals...individual needs, experiences(good or bad) and desires not what a community or society wants or needs in order to feel good.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteWho's the white girl? Can she put a pic up of herself? I'd like to see what she looks like
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ReplyDeleteUnfortunetly, there are very few "good" black men left for us. Just look at the sampling of the men on this board. All of them have made excuses for their behaviors and not yet said that they want to be with a black woman. If I cannot meet a good man, I have resolved to die single. I'm really at that point in my life-and that's whats really sad.
ReplyDeleteI for one can understand as a male why black women are coming on here and venting their frustration on this topic. While I have nothing against white people or interracial dating, I can say that I could never see myself with anything other than a black woman. That's why I married one! Now, that's not to say "stick with your own kind" and all things will be perfect-but I do believe that they certainly are easier. Life and marriages/realtionships always present challenges, but these challenges are easier to deal with when you have someone who can understand your issues as a black man. I'm sorry, but no matter how hard one may try, a white woman cannot understand how I feel as a person of color in the world. You have a very narrow view of the world if you believe that race isn't still a crucial part of how one's treated. My view of the president and how he's been treated in office is totally different than that of my white peers/friends. I do think that you should do what makes you happy, whether thats dating in and or outside of your race. But I think that black people need to re-discover what it is to truly love one another. This is hard to accomplish when we continue to give up on eachother and make excuses for why we won't be with a black woman etc. Another thing to be taken into consideration is the fact that we have a whole generation of black males who are being raised solely by women today. I'm quite sure this plays a part in why black men are acting like they are and why we are falling so far behind. Bottom line is, if we want to stop hearing black women complain about our behaviors so much, then we need to stop giving them examples and reasons to constantly do it. Black men-"Man up".
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